So my Mom sent me this funny email today.  It had all these great quotes in it, no idea where they came from BUT I put them in anyways.  Who couldn’t use a good laugh today?

  • If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
  • Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
  • My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
  • Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
  • It is easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  • A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
  • Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
  • Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!
  • No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
  • Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
  • Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
  • Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
  • There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
  • Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  • Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
  • It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

 Did it make you smile?

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